i still feel angry my mom left. i dont know what to do with this anger. i feel angry of what happened even before then. im so nice and understanding to people but i didnt get that before. its not fair. why did it have to happen to me? my parents are officially divorced now, my moms been across the country since. im still angry. why me? i dont deserve this. yet i wont ever say anything about it.
I think a lot about how I almost didn’t graduate high school. I want to be a teacher more than anything in the world but something in my brain doesn’t let me do the work I need to. I feel like I’m wired differently than everyone else and I just want it to stop. I want to be smart. I know I can be smart.
Jarrett, I should have dumped my boyfriend for you. I chose the wrong guy and now it’s too late.
part4 I hate not knowing if I'm aromantic bi or lesbian because I do find myself "attracted" to people but it was always "wow shes so pretty" basically "simping" but never "love" I don't think I can romantically love anyone and its driving me insane and I'm also hypersexual so that doesn't help with my dilemma if I can love or not I'm worried that I'm only in this relationship to feel "normal" please somebody tell me if I'm aromantic or not
part 3 Even when I was a child every "crush" I had felt forced because I didn't actually feel anything around them I treated them as normal friends and it was the norm so I felt like I had to have a crush but I also feel forced to have a girlfriend because its "normal" I don't think I actually love my girlfriend but I also think I cant romanticly love anyone but I feel bad because shes so nice but I feel I only care for her like my best friend
Part 2 i do enjoy her comfort but i never felt romance i hear people blush or get flustered often have butterflies in their stomachs feel jealous but i never felt that about her i dont get flustered or blush no butterflies the only thing i guess counts as jealousy is my fear of getting replaced and i was always big on affection so anyone i was close with i would hug or hold hands with so my treatment isnt special im trying to trick myself into thinking i am in love but i just dont think i am..