I cannot stop thinking of this one sakusa fic moment that i read years ago that makes me fisically ill. The girl is watching the team practice and thinks the coach is being too harsh. This dumb b*tch decides it is a good idea to go and yell at his coach, obviously it does not turn out well for her. I don't know why but this memory haunts me. It pops up in my mind every so often and has me curling into myself, i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from reading it.
All I ever want to do is take Zophran (the medication that prevents vomiting). I know it’s not healthy but I’m deathly afraid of vomit. It’s so inevitable but I’m so terrified of it. I’m scared to eat, scared to work out, and scared to go out in public because of it. I have panic attacks every time I eat or anytime my stomach has any type of reaction. I can’t tell anyone because they already make fun of me for passing out when someone vomits. Sometimes I take stomach medicine just to feel peace.
I feel so lonely on my sports team I went to primary school with most of them and I don't live in the village anymore (I live about 20 minutes away). I used to be friends with one girl but we had a messy ending so I feel like I can't talk to her friends. I'm a teenager and we play with older women on our team and I want advice but they seem to like the other girls more.We won an important game today and they went out to celebrate but I thought it was only the women, it wasn't. I feel so left out
Today I went out with my friends. We're all young and inexperienced when it comes to dating, we've never really been asked out, and we like to act a little playful when we're alone. We were at a park and it was getting late. Then two guys approach us and tell us a friend of theirs thinks my friend is cute and asked for her number. I've never felt more ashamed. I was laughing auquardly with my other friend and I wanted to do was dissapear. I'm happy for her, just hope someone would notice me too.
I am tired. I have a happy (as in he does everything in the house and takes care of everything) but otherwise lonely and sexless marriage. Cheating is not something I even consider but it is hard to even live like this. Plus because he is so nice, I feel guilty of wanting sex and intimacy. I hate feeling like this and I can’t stop it.
Imma be honest I'm so mentally unwell right now I'm scared for my own well being and everyone's around me
I hate how nobody has ever asked me out. Not a single guy or girl ever said that they like me. My friends have already been in relationships, or are getting into one. And if not they have crushes. But I've never even felt that kind of love towards anyone. Not even a stupid crush at kindergarten. I haven't even been asked out as a joke. It's fucking with me. I understand that I'm not the most attractive or likable, but for f*cks sake there's no way I'm that unlovable.