W*ed isnt cutting it and im scared im getting addicted to the pills i just want to be like every other kid why do i have to be like this.
i have no one to talk to. my friends cant handle my problems and i cant afford a counsellor. every single day i feel so desperate for someone to know whats going on with me. i feel like no one knows me. theres always so much messed up stuff in my life but i hate being the one who always complains about some traumatizing shit when people want to know about my life. they dont know how to deal with it anyways even if i try to only talk about it a little and it just makes me feel more alone.
i cant afford survive without relying on my parents financially. i told my family that my dad was sexually creepy to me growing up. i had to stop seeing my counsellor because my dad was paying him and i cant afford therapy otherwise. cptsd makes it really hard to work. now my family is sweeping this under the rug but i cant cut them off because i cant afford phone bills or enough food. my cat got hurt and i cant afford the vet without them but its so hard to see my mum when she doesnt believe me
my estranged father has reared his ugly head and resumed harassing my brother and I after my stepmom's death. and it just feels surreal to have to do real life and all the while feel stressed that this unpredictable man is angry at you and knows where you are.
I have a crush on a mormon boy. I'm gay. Hes so kind, probably one of the kindest people i know. Hes very handsome, taller than me, and some facial hair. He's a good singer and likes to sing frank sinatra. Hes nice to me, despite the goth look i have and me being queer, hes nice to me. I want him to keep being nice to me, nicer to me than anybody else. I dont belive in god, but if he asked me to go to church with him, I would. I just want him to want me but alas, hes mormon.
I live with my friend and every time I’m out and she texts me I fill with so much dread. I wish I can turn off my phone and not have to respond to her. It makes me feel like a crappy husband who complains about the nagging wife at home.
I don’t love my girlfriend anymore. I care about her, and I don’t want to hurt her, she doesn’t deserve the pain. We have a home. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want to carry on not living for myself, and living for someone else. I want to leave, I just don’t know how.
I just want to spend a night with someone just to feel that honest connection between two individuals, where I don't have to fear of getting hurt, or worry about being judged. It doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. Just genuine and mindful. A moment in time just to be reminded again to how it is to feel like being intimate with another soul. My worlds been cold for far too long, I've even considered paying a courtesan for a night. I'm far from being at my lowest point, but it feels close.